Author Archives: R.K. Modena

About R.K. Modena

Writer, artist, mom, all the rest is icing and sprinkles on the cake.

Oven Dried Adobo Flakes Maho

The most common and popular adobo recipe seen around tends to revolve around pork belly or leg chunks, or pork AND chicken. Traditionally, fatty chicken and fatty pork = adobo especially for travelling, because Filipino style adobo was a cooking method that resulted in a dish not too dissimilar to English potted hare – with the broth thickening to jelly and the fat sealing the top of the jar. In a country where the heat would result in spoiled food while travelling, adobo was king, and still is one of the ‘traditional’ dishes to take with you to the beach picnic.

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cismale heterowhat now?

So, Larry wrote about this hilarious attempt at sniffing, upturned nose, fainting couch disapproval by a special snowflake SJW seal a couple of days ago.

The fisking was short, and well, pretty much was this:

 

See, to these escapees from the mental asylum, being male and heterosexual is apparently the worst! THING. EVAR. See helpful example below of how sane people view real oppression, and how these willingly mentally crippled nobility wannabes see it.

Anyway, go read Larry’s post. It’s worth every moment of your time, and I will warn you to set aside your beverage of choice, if you’re drinking; or stop eating if you’re having lunch/dinner/snacks.

Anyone with actual working neurons know by now that meaningless, thrown together words like ‘cis-gender-normative facist’ and ‘heteromediocre’ are attempts at virtue signalling – a social justice wanker’s barking to let other SJWankers know “I’m one of you guys, don’t eat me alive!” For those of us who get those meaningless, baseless accusations and insults thrown our way, it’s a signal that we’re disliked by the social scavengers of the human jungle; and that the person being insulted may in fact not be yet another one of the brainless stupid sheeple having delusions of Red Guardhood.

Because the wild SJWanker seal eschews logic, reason, and rationality for whatever s/he/it is currently feeling and ‘finds offensive’ just right then, those same things they’ve discarded as inconvenient (including reality) are wonderful weapons with which to beat their farcical attempts at argumentative guilt tripping with. Laughter, mockery and ridicule, as well as not taking them seriously, are others, and these are sometimes more effective than trying to reason with someone who thinks you should be erased off the planet, sent to concentration camps for being heterosexual/male/white/does not agree with the SJWanker. Why waste the time? Life is a finite resource for you.

On that note, I howled with laughter at the display of brainless arrogance at the demand that Larry do things her way to meet her approval with the mildly vague implication that if ‘she found his books’ more interesting, then there’d be the slightest chance she might, maybe, buy a book of his. This is stupid, as well as ridiculously self-centered thinking – “I don’t like this book, therefore, nobody should, and it should change to what I like” as opposed to reading authors’ works you enjoy.

Well, that’s what the rest of the world does, instead of wasting time and money on things they don’t like.

Anyway, Larry, having dealt with these weasel-word using morons before, went straight to mocking this one. I mean, come on, if a shelf full of action-packed fiction books sends this SJWanker to fits of narcolepsy, how do you think they’d react if dropped into say, the nearest ISIS base camp (well, assuming Russia hasn’t wiped them out yet) – they’ll fall asleep to the lullaby of AK-47s, while the jihadists rip off her clothes as a precursor to their SOP of raping women who are 1) alone 2) not wearing a niqab 3)not in the presence of a blood-related or approved guardian male?

Seriously, they couldn’t handle fiction; there’s just no way they’re gonna cope with reality, and reality doesn’t give a finger snap about their fragile melty feels.

Anyway, the sloshed together and hurked-up terminology mentioned in the post (related to some years ago) amused me enough to play around on Photoshop with; and I thought Larry’s snarky translation from English to SJWanker would be hilarious on a coffee mug. The resulting graphics below, inspired by the post’s spirit of laughter, are free to take and be used for both personal and commercial purposes.

Remember: smiles and laughter are better than frowns and shrill sloganistic shrieking! More fun and better for your overall health, both mentally and physically!

 

 

Seriously though; Larry? Mediocre? I’d love me some of that so called ‘mediocrity’ he’s got. He got himself (part of?) a mountain with the profits made from what he does; and there’s some gorgeous hectarage down under I’ve love to be able to earn up the AUD for through some lovely, lovely meritocracy.

Fat and Leftovers

I don’t really have a creative title for the post. My apologies.

Early this week I decided to marinade some simply massive chicken marylands (thigh and drumstick cut) in the juice of the limes our rental house comes with.  The limes that tiny, scrawny, greatly suffering tree bears are huge – they’re the size of baseballs, for one – and they’re very juicy. The minimum time I tend to marinade things is overnight; but for these I decided to ignore them until Friday, so that must’ve been around 3 days sitting in the fridge, marinating. I also stabbed the meatier sections of the cuts to let the meat REALLY soak in.

I had an extra piece though and I decided I’ll boil it for broth. I left it on the stovetop on low for a while, seasoned with salt, pepper and mixed herbs, then at the end of the day turned it off, let it cool and put the whole pot in the fridge, along with the marinating pieces.

The lime halves, which I originally was going to chuck out, I decided to put into plastic containers and tucked them into the corner of the more commonly used toilets. They’ve been working wonderfully as air fresheners.

Friday rolls around and I take out those marinating chicken marylands and season them – not too fancy, just with some seasoned salt. I roast those lime-marinated chickens and oh my goodness. The house smelled amazing. The drippings ended up on our rice and the chicken was utterly tender and flavorful. Me being me, I added a bit more salt to my share, but from the ‘mmm’ and ‘hyuuummm’ sounds I was getting, I’d say everyone else was quite happy with the result.

I still had the chicken in the pot though and I took it out a little while ago to remove the fat. There must’ve been a half centimetre worth of fat sitting on top of the jellied broth. I skimmed it out and put the chicken back on the stove to render some more.

I looked at it and found myself thinking, “Surely, back in the day this wasn’t thrown out,” and looked up the uses for chicken fat, and learned something new.

In Jewish cooking, it’s called schmaltz. And you can use it in place of butter, making your toast more savory than well, ‘breakfasty’ I guess. This page has plenty of ideas, including dipping oil infusions.

I think I can come up with ideas and ways to use this later on in my stories, as small side details.

As for the fat, I saved it in a jar and stuck it in the very back of my fridge. It’ll be useful for basting a chicken being reheated in the oven, or used as a pat when roasting vegetables, for a bit of extra flavour.

Meringues

I’ve been doing a lot of running around on errands so I haven’t posted recently. My blood sugar dropped a lot so I found myself craving sweet things.

So I decided to take the plunge and made meringues for the first time.

Sounds silly I know, but I’ve had this thing about being afraid of screwing up the egg whites. I had a box of egg whites in my fridge that I bought and felt, if I never take the risk, I’ll never do it!

So I made this batch of brain food and boy, am I glad I did! (here’s a BBC Food’s recipe for meringue, it’s slightly different.)

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Leche Flan

One of the easiest Filipino desserts for me to make here in Australia is Leche Flan. The kids love this recipe, but as you can see in the image, the caramel isn’t very dark. That’s because of my family’s preference, so you may need to experiment with the caramel to get it as dark as you like.

I hope you enjoy making this! This is a busy mom version; traditional Leche Flan  uses carefully separated egg yolks, careful hand beating with a whisk, and strains the mixture through cheesecloth several times, resulting in a silky creamy flan. I’m rather lazy and want my delicious treat with minimal effort; my answer to this is to tap the bubbles out and use either a blender or mixer.

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In Other Words…

So, I recently ran across this latest bit of mind-melting stupid:

http://www.nationalreview.com/article/417855/student-op-ed-yes-means-yes-not-enough-because-sometimes-yes-means-no-katherine-timpf

See if you can make your way through thing without either wanting to slap the original author for making things horrible for other women, or for driving men away from the rest of us for being so batshit crazy, they’ll give up on the whole thing, (And then the entitled bitches will accuse men who say no of reverse raping them. Yes, I know the linked things are satire articles/tweets, but I’ve had the misfortune of having heard it as an actual argument in meatspace, specifically: ‘a woman is supposed to have the right to choose the man who she wants to father her children and have sex with,  and if he says no he is denying her that choice that she made, it’s forcing his will over her, thus, he is reverse raping her.’ Apparently, men having a choice/saying no/refusing to date/marry/etc is RAPE NOW, oh my Gods I hate you stupid tumblrfeminazis, you make my sex look retarded.)

Anyway, moving on to the original thing that had me praying ‘please Gods, may they not pass on their idiocy, or if they do there needs be an extinction event’ (I exaggerate. Slightly. Not by much though.)

In the piece, Bosiljevac explains that she and her friends even came up with a phrase to describe someone having sex with you who you didn’t want to have sex with even though you told him that you did, which they apparently consider a form of rape: “We coined the term ‘raped by rape culture’ to describe what it was like to say yes, coerced by the culture that had raised us and the systems of power that worked on us, and to still want ‘no,’” she writes in the April 30 article, titled “Why Yes Can Mean No.”
Bosiljevac writes that she’s been dealing with the oppression of this culture her whole life — beginning with having to endure relatives kissing her cheeks “even as I winced and turned away” — and that it continues to influence her sexual decision-making abilities, almost to the point where she doesn’t seem to think she really has any ability to make those decisions at all.

She describes one incident in particular in which she had hooked up with a guy who had asked her outright if she was okay with what was happening and she had told him “yes” — explaining that even though she had said “yes,” she had really meant “no,” and it wasn’t really entirely her fault that she couldn’t just say what she wanted: “Sometimes, for me, there was obligation from already having gone back to someone’s room, not wanting to ruin a good friendship, loneliness, worry that no one else would ever be interested, a fear that if I did say no, they might not stop, the influence of alcohol, and an understanding that hookups are ‘supposed’ to be fun,” she writes.

First off, you mental emotional self-amputee, you clearly misinterpret gestures of affection as being all ‘sexual.’ That reveals a lot more about you than anything else, because fucking ew let’s not go down the rabbit hole of your demented fantasies. Thank goodness you’ve decided to come out as a prickly landmine with more triggers than a hedgehog has spines; men – she’s absolutely NOT WORTH THE DRAMA OR THE RISK OF A RAPE ACCUSATION, make note of her name and appearance and warn your mates off!
Also, she’s clearly mentally incompetent, since she’s pretty much declared that she has absolutely no ability to make up her own mind, make decisions for her own sake, and has utterly no agency, thus she cannot possibly be a rational adult, because those know how to think for themselves, and make a decision and fucking take responsibility for themselves. She’s horny? It’s your fault, you patriarchal alpha male.
In other words, modern day feminists are completely incapable of controlling their own minds or body. Instead of arguing now for the freedom to exercise their abilities, rights and stand equal to men in law and society, they’re… asking to be treated like blow up dolls? Or something? I mean, they’d be a starfish, lying there anyway, because they’re too busy psychoanalyzing their every thought and running the mental hamster wheel.
How the hell do they manage to not starve themselves to death, or tie their shoes, or realise something like “crossing in front of that moving car, away from the pedestrian crossing, on the highway, while the little nongendered figure thing is standing and red might get me killed?”
If anyone ever figures that out, let me know. I have the mental image of a bunch of them acting like whales that are suicidally beaching themselves as a group, because one of them decided to DEFY THE LIMITATIONS OF THEIR SPECIES and … oh wait most of these people fit the moniker landwhales. Never mind.
Hang on. If they’re landwhales, wouldn’t that mean that the opposite of beaching themselves would be drowning?

When Rights Don’t Trump Individual Safety.

This post was originally meant to be a comment over at Nicki’s The Liberty Zone. It’s a response to how a state over in the US has ruled that bathrooms must be male or female only. The discussion is about rights and government over-reach, and for the most part I agree with Nicki’s post, that a business should be allowed to decide whether or not they will accommodate transgender people being allowed to go into the restroom as the gender they identify as. But as Nicki said, this is not a simple question at all, and from my own limited observations, it is slowly escalating outside of the seemingly innocuous question of bathroom access.
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Old knowledge and Unfamiliar Settings

One of the things I find myself frequently doing is researching for something I want to include in a book. Sometimes I’ll find myself planning it out before the book itself is written, or, because I’ve had a stray thought while writing out a scene, and realising I don’t know how the process goes well enough to include a description of the character engaging in it – no, I don’t mean the character in question suddenly dropping in a ‘how to’ of tanning – unless it’s part of the story. The characters which populate my imagination are busy sorts – they like to keep their hands busy or use up the daylight well. Inevitably, because most of the stories I have are set in a fantasy, a number of the ‘way things are done’ rely heavily on traditional techniques.

Most of what I research does not end up in the book itself. It’s usually kept as -mostly handwritten- author’s notes or little scribbles in my concept notebook. This is part of my personal worldbuilding process, because it allows me to be able to visualise how the setting works – and what I can and cannot do with it. I’ve ended up with a library of DIY, off-grid, self sufficiency stuff because of that, and cookbooks that go along a similar vein; and I hat-tipped that kind of How To book with my bookish dragon, Sparrowind. This kind of book existed in real life as well, usually in the form of a housewife’s cookbook and household-management instructional – most of the book would be recipes, and maybe the last quarter would include things like how to make up household cleaners, furniture polish, and how to run your household efficiently. I’ve a couple of these, dating back to the late 1800’s to the early 1900’s, inherited from my maternal great-grandmother. One of the books has a very basic first aid instructional section, which dealt with things ranging from splinters, to well, treating someone who had been hanged from a nearby tree and isn’t dead yet, while the other has instructions on how to dress a deer.

Why yes, I find it fascinating at how much a woman was expected to know back then, in order to be considered competent, compared to the ‘modern age’, where all too frequently, we have women who are unable to cook themselves a basic meal. I’m grateful my parents didn’t raise us like hothouse flowers and made a point to raise my brothers and I to know how to cook, clean, do the laundry – by hand!-, priortise and budget, shop for groceries, and organise ourselves. I’ve had a number of people praise me for how helpful my children are around the house, because even if it’s a chore as simple as helping me unpack and sort the groceries, they can do it. I then get a story about how that’s so rare amongst children now.

I relate this not to toot my own horn or disparage the modern woman (okay, too much), but to illustrate how differently things were done between my own childhood and my children’s and their peers. My siblings and I were taught how to do laundry by hand; my children were taught how to properly load the washing machine. The difference in what we needed to know lies entirely because in the differences of the settings we grew up in.

Those differences mean a LOT, which we often take for granted. For example, let’s take the availability of water.

When I was in Germany, we had a washing machine and a dryer, but when we returned to the Philippines, the area we ended up living in – and the era – was when we’d only get enough water pressure to the apartment during certain periods of the day – something unimaginable to someone who, until that point, only had to turn a tap and there was clean water. Now we had to make sure there was clean water stored up for cooking, drinking, washing dishes, and bathing in. Oh, and water needed to be boiled before you could drink from it, so when you factored in the cost of buying tanks of LPG gas, water was more expensive than soft drinks and soda; and the boiled water had a rather metallic aftertaste, so we would mix up 2 liter pitchers of Tang or Kool-Aid to mask it.

I left out laundry from that list because that needed to be scheduled – a laundry session typically took about four hours, so we couldn’t wait for the times when the water would be available in the house. The dirtiest clothes were soaked in water mixed with some detergent, while the not-so-dirty clothes were kept in a hamper. During weekends during school-times, and twice a week during school breaks, we’d take all that laundry out, with basins and bars of soap and hauled them to the sidewalk outside our small gated compound. By the wall outside our apartment there was a large spigot, installed by someone, that the neighborhood would use to fetch water from.

Well, we’d use the water once we’d let it run long enough so that it wasn’t rusty colored. We were lucky because further down the street, the spigot there had water that stayed slightly reddish – so sometimes the housewives and menfolk living there would carry their laundry over to our spigot to wash.

Using buckets and large hand-held ladles, we’d pour water into the basins and wash and scrub our clothes until they were clean – denim often scrubbed on a washboard and a plastic net sponge that helped scrub off the sweat, dirt and smell, as we crouched beside the basins, or sat on low wooden stools. My father’s white shirts had to be soaked in soap that had bluing incorporated in it. You had to change the water whenever it got too brown, which meant that you hauled out all the clothes you were cleaning, pile it next to you and pour the water out of a basin that was often more than a meter across, because while you were scrubbing one article of clothing, you’d be soaking some of the ones you were working on next. Then you’d fill the basin from buckets of water filled at that spigot, rinse off the dirt, and get back to cleaning. Each of us worked with our own washing basin, while the dirty clothes inhabited another, and the washed clothes were piled into another large basin. It took typically 2-3 washes (with soapy water and soap) and a rinse to get all the clothes clean, and you had to try wring out as much water as you could so it wouldn’t take ridiculous amounts of time to dry. Then it would be trudge back inside, with wet laundry, to hang them up to dry.

Sound like painful backache-inducing work? It was, and I think that was one of the main reasons why I didn’t need to do a lot of exercise as a teenager. But it was also rather social work, because we’d chat – with a neighbor who timed their laundry sessions with ours, or took advantage of the fact that the water was clean then, as we scrubbed washed and worked.

In my mother’s home village, there were neighbourhoods with communal deep wells with a hand pump – the larger ones took two people to pump. If you lived closer to the river though, you went to the river with your laundry, and then swam to wash your sweat away. I used to see people – usually wives, mothers, sisters and boys who weren’t big enough to work in the fields – wash their laundry there, chatting and laughing and gossiping. It wasn’t uncommon for as many as four households to load up their washing into wooden carts and push them to the river, or hook up a cart to a water buffalo and take the trip to the river and wash clothes, animal and other hard to clean things there, have a picnic lunch at the river then go back home after a quick wash in the river to bring the clothes back to dry.

My grandmother’s house had its own deep well, which they didn’t have to share, which had enough water pressure to allow there to be a sink in the kitchen, and an outdoor bathroom and a flushing toilet – one where you didn’t have to fill a pail of water to flush the toilet with. There was a bathroom at the house too, but it was a later addition. The water from the deep well was also clean, so you didn’t need to boil the water before you drank it. Compared to a lot of other places, it was downright luxurious because of the water. (The kitchen, by the way, was a wood-fire kitchen and the kitchen fire was fed by corn cobs from the family corn field.)

If that sounded hard and awful and primitive, I don’t have any concept of how hard it was when soap wasn’t very common, or when you had to make your own soap. I can’t imagine too well what it’s like for people in a pre-industrial society to do that, especially if they had changing seasons. It’s things like that that shape how local cultures work, how they do things, how they plan things, how their social habits form.

That’s why I read about them. I can’t live those eras, or see them firsthand, but if the people of the societies they’re based notionally off of are going to interact with my characters, they’ll have their own methods and schedules, some of which are inflexible enough that my characters may need to work around them.  I won’t have a historian-accurate setting – often times I won’t need it to be accurate down to the way that they made nails – but I do need enough of it in my head at the least, to be able to plonk my characters into that setting and sometimes use those everyday limits of society as roadblocks to my characters.

Some stories turn those everyday things as massive challenges for the characters. A great example of this is found in the light novel series Grimgar of Fantasy And Ash. The story focuses on a bunch of modern-day young people who find themselves in a fantasy world, with no memories other than their names, they are given no choice except to be recruited as members of the Frontier Army’s Reserve Force – which are essentially freelance, or mercenary monster exterminators, who go hunting monsters, and bring back bounty items stolen from the corpses to trade. Hinting that this is somewhat like a Sword Art Online trapped in a video game plot, the newbies are given 10 silver pieces at the start and have to buy their own equipment, guild membership and food. Unlike Sword Art Online, this story follows the difficulties of a group that has problems killing the equivalent version of the level 1-3 monsters in a video game, without even having the benefit of information beyond ‘you need to do this or die.’ It’s so bad that they are forced to avoid excess use of the clothes that they wear under their armour, and something as simple to us as salt is expensive and is used sparingly. Even dying is expensive, as you have to cremate the body to prevent it from rising as a zombie.

Great stories can be found everywhere, if you know how to look.

I mean, if you got this far, you read several paragraphs of me describing how we used to do laundry.

grin

 

 

WordPress gets HTTPS

A good number of my fellows use WordPress so I figured this would be of interest to them.

HTTPS Everywhere: Encryption for All WordPress.com Sites

Better site security is a good thing, especially if it helps you protect your private information. I know some nutjobs would say ‘oh, if you’re scared about the government, then you have something to hide!’ crap, but really, waving the government around like a huge red flag trying to get the bull to charge ignores the other guy sneaking up behind it – namely: computer crime still exists, and it is a good idea to secure your site against those legitimate concerns. I’m not a security expert, just some person who wants to make her living writing, but HTTPS is a GOOD THING – especially if you’re using your WordPress to manage your online business or professional blog. WordPress getting you that bit of extra security built in for your site, if you use WordPress hosting, is a seriously awesome thing, because if you’re the average blogger (like myself) you’re not likely to know much about the latest in online security or protection or even more than basic HTML tags (the ones that give you italics, bold, images and links are about the extent of my HTML knowledge.)

I repeat my statement about not being an online security expert, so please just use the links and my opinion as a starting point for further research from a mostly consumer’s POV, and as someone thinking about wanting to sell a product online (In my case, books/art). If you think I’m an uneducated idiot, spare us both wasting the time and browse away.

Anyone still here, feel free to go on.

So, why is HTTPS a good thing? Instead of trying to explain it and mangle the explanation, I’ll quote and link some of the people who DO know what they’re talking about.

From the EFF:

When does HTTPS Everywhere protect me? When does it not protect me?

Dragoncon’s New Award

Because I’m not online as much as I used to, I guess I’m a little late to the party celebrating the establishment of the Dragon Awards, just very recently announced.

Welcome to the first annual Dragon Awards! As a part of our 30th Anniversary as the nation’s largest fan-run convention, we are introducing a new way to recognize excellence in all things Science Fiction and Fantasy. These awards will be by the fans, for the fans, and are your chance to reward those who have made real contributions to SF, books, games, comics, and shows. Not only can you nominate and vote, the Dragon Awards lets you share your support with others!

Read the rest at the site.

I think this is a good thing, quite honestly. As I don’t live in the US, I have only heard of DragonCon from friends, or read about it, over the years. It’s a pretty freaking huge con, with lots and lots of people going, and it always sounded like lots of fun to me.

I think it’s a wonderful thing that there is an award for Science Fiction and Fantasy at DragonCon, as it seems to be a natural outgrowth of the popularity of the convention.  I especially like how they didn’t attach a monetary value just for the privilege of nominating and voting for the year’s favorite works by fan vote. Anyone can participate, and I think in the long run that actually is more representative of the enjoyment of the fanbase.

I’m also rather happy that video games have a representation here, because there are lots of games now with very immersive storylines, well crafted multidimensional characters and absolutely engaging characters – and some of these games don’t have to have shiny graphics, although it helps a lot with some players with building the atmosphere itself. I’d like to think that for a really good game, you need to have more than just shiny graphics, but at least this way the stories that make part of the game would be recognised.

I’m rather hoping that English-translated manga and light novels will have some representation here, because I think it takes talent to be able to translate a foreign language work into English and still get the story across – after all, ‘Lost In Translation’ happens a lot and manages to butcher many a fine work that would otherwise be completely unappreciated.

I think that the categories could be further refined and expanded to include things such as shorter works but hey, it’s the first year. There are bound to be some rough edges, but I expect those to be smoothened out as the years go.

So, if you have a sci-fi or fantasy work in any of the listed categories that came out new in the last year and part of this year (you’ll have to look at the range of dates on the site) that you feel you enjoyed enough for an award recognition, do nominate or vote for it! Let’s join in an award for the works most enjoyed by the fans at this wonderfully popular convention!

 

Aff’s Official Thoughts 1

Shadowdancer’s Note: Aff recently encountered an article which moved him deeply enough to write an article and asked me to kindly post it here. He’s still ranting about the abject stupidity. This is resulting in a series of editorials that he has titled “Aff’s Official Thoughts On Stuff.”

I must warn readers to please set aside any drink or food for the duration of your reading of the article. We here at Affsdiary are not responsible for damage to screens or keyboards resulting from not heeding this warning.

 

Aff’s Note; if you are one of those ridiculously over-sensitive people that if told to duck for cover during a crisis you would then proceed to hold up a goose, get shot in the vagina, and proceed to scream ‘but my goose identified as a duck’ in protest as you proceeded to bleed more than you usually do, this post is not for you. In fact, this post will hurt your feelings. In anticipation of this, you can either complain to my e-mail (and be summarily ignored) or you can bash your head against a brick wall repeatedly until your skull fractures. But it’s ok, the brick walls identify as pillows.

“Aff’s Official Thoughts on Stuff 1: Guns ™”

Recently I viewed an article on a US based group of students attempting to protest guns being brought onto educational campuses by posting selfies of them flexing their muscles.

I find this stupid in about twenty different ways, and before I go into the details of the stupidity I feel I should qualify my opinion by giving you some context as to who I am and what I believe.

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So we’ve moved

I know it’s a bit late and I really should’ve written about this before but the fact is RL just eats at my time lately to the point I can’t sit down and write for long stretches.  But yay, I got a bit of time and so here I am: We’ve moved web-hosting!

I’m sorry because it meant that the website’s subdomain changed (Aff wrote ‘shadow’ instead of ‘shadowdancer’, because ‘Shadow’ is what he calls me half the time) but oh well, maybe it can be fixed later?

I spent quite a while fixing image links. That wasn’t fun. I’m rather hoping to be able to take advantage of some of the good things that the new host provides but that’s a glimmer of an idea and I haven’t really got a good plan yet -just fragments of an idea that I could pick up later on.

Besides the digital move there was the house move and the most important bits are sorted and fixed, while the rest we are able to just let it be and put away at our leisure.

House and site are good for now so naturally, my body decides ‘okay, you’re gonna have flu now, because your son brought home one just for you to enjoy.’ Which means I’m going to take a nap now.

Getting Wired Wirelessly

My hubby got me a surprise – a smartwatch, with a pedometer and some other features. It was a prize or a free gift with something, and he knows I gleefully enjoy such things.

Early experiments trying to pair the damn thing with my phone resulted in vast irritation so I stopped that.

Sigh. Technology. Younger me would be shaking her head in disbelief at current me.

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What You Do

Besides the comment above, which was written on Vox Popoli (the post being a topic-related jump off from Jerry Pournelle’s) the other reason why I bought the book was because, as I leafed through it, this passage caught my eye:

The other big disadvantage involved public perception. No matter what you did as a Kennedy or a Shriver, no one gave you credit for your accomplishment. Instead, people would say, “Well if I were a Kennedy, I could do that too.” For all these reasons, Maria had to fight harder than most people to carve out her own identity.

While nowhere near the level of Maria Shriver, I can relate to that. People frankly expected grand things from me, upon finding out I was Antonio Modena’s daughter. “Oh, so are you going into journalism, like your father in his youth, or going straight for the DFA?” (The Department of Foreign Affairs.) To this day I still feel a little twinge of guilt that I didn’t do any of that, even if my father never urged me toward those careers and was keen to have me forge my own path through the jungle of life. Arnold’s straightforward, little paragraph brought that back for me.

I was also keen to read what he had to tell about what life was like for him, being born on the heels of World War II. I don’t think I’m going to be in the least bit disappointed with this, or bored.

I’ll admit that I find biographies a bit hard to read. I’m not sure why, since I enjoy hearing what my family calls people stories, but biographies tend to feel rather flat to me, when read. But Arnold’s autobiography, when I leafed through it, is thoroughly readable, and I can even hear it in his voice. The narration even sounds like how he talks, and it’s …relate-able, as if you’re listening to the man himself talk.

If Keanu Reeves came out with an autobiography, I’d actually like to read that too. That man has had a completely relate-able experience of loss and tragedy, and he seems to come out of it scarred but intact. I’d like to know what he did, to hang on to his sanity, how he was able to make it through each day.

Life’s recent rather severe stresses seems to have taken a very huge chunk of my own ability to deal with the setbacks in day to day experiences. I don’t like this, because of how it cripples my ability to think. Rhys, because he’s been deployed, got the ‘things you watch out for’ and reckons I’m suffering from PTSD. It’s pretty severe, since a lot of the time I have nightmares and flashbacks to the horrible day that I woke up to discover Brandon had died in his crib while we both napped, or the day that we lost Damien to stillbirth.

I’m sure some fool with a brain riddled with more maggot than brain matter out there will read the above and translate it as ‘she’s saying she’s just like Keanu Reeves, because Keanu Reeves lost a baby to stillbirth’ or ‘she’s saying she’s had it worse than Keanu Reeves because she lost a baby to stillbirth AND SIDS.’ Fuck you. Losing children isn’t ‘fun,’ and it’s not what any real parent would want to have as a Victim Olympics competition. (Unless, obviously, the ‘parent’ in question is a self-centered, self absorbed virtue-signaling SJW. Those idiots seem to WANT tragedy, so they can milk it for attention and victimbux. Healthy human beings would not trade a the life of a child for attention and pity money.)

But I am not a leftist social justice wanker. I’m not a CHORF.

It’s a normal human reaction to want to know how someone else who has survived a similar experience did to survive. It’s normal to think “This person made it through, so I have a chance of making it through this.”

Well, normal, that is, for those who want to live, want to survive, to grab on and climb out of the pit of despair that circumstance has thrown them into, to refuse to be identified solely by the tragedies of their life. While losing my children has deeply scarred me in ways I have no words to express, and that pain on some days is all I can feel, I am not defined by that loss. It is the awareness of being wounded, and that I can choose to want to heal by doing what will bring that healing in time, or cripple myself, in body, mind and soul.

That choice makes the difference between someone like Stephen Hawking, or the invalid.


Jerry Pournelle’s post also included talking about backing up one’s data, and improved ransomware. I am very grateful, once again, to have made such a wonderful friend like Aff. Thanks to him, our network is safe and continues to remain so. I asked him about the improved ransomware and he said that our network is not vulnerable to such.

I sometimes get asked how I manage to ‘still have faith’, when really, the fact is, as hard as my life has been, I still have many, many blessings. I met Rhys, without whom I would have far less reasons to live. He and I have wonderful, caring children, who are surviving the hardships of the past few years with better I met Aff, who has become an important part of Rhys’ and my family, and cares for our children like they were his nephews and niece, and makes sure they’re safe online. I was blessed with friends who encourage me to write, to continue my art, learn things with and share joy with.

There are things to smile about, despite all the sad things that have happened to us, somehow.


Rhys brought me back a magazine from the grocery; and just leafing through it makes me kinda hungry. I think I’ll make sweet and sour fish tonight, because of it.

+++

Aff says that his mother rung up because she was told that he had passed away. There are, apparently, more than two or three people with his name in Australia. We joked a bit about that, that he is now a ghost in the machine, a zombie admin, and so on.