Aff’s Official Thoughts 1

Shadowdancer’s Note: Aff recently encountered an article which moved him deeply enough to write an article and asked me to kindly post it here. He’s still ranting about the abject stupidity. This is resulting in a series of editorials that he has titled “Aff’s Official Thoughts On Stuff.”

I must warn readers to please set aside any drink or food for the duration of your reading of the article. We here at Affsdiary are not responsible for damage to screens or keyboards resulting from not heeding this warning.


Aff’s Note; if you are one of those ridiculously over-sensitive people that if told to duck for cover during a crisis you would then proceed to hold up a goose, get shot in the vagina, and proceed to scream ‘but my goose identified as a duck’ in protest as you proceeded to bleed more than you usually do, this post is not for you. In fact, this post will hurt your feelings. In anticipation of this, you can either complain to my e-mail (and be summarily ignored) or you can bash your head against a brick wall repeatedly until your skull fractures. But it’s ok, the brick walls identify as pillows.

“Aff’s Official Thoughts on Stuff 1: Guns ™”

Recently I viewed an article on a US based group of students attempting to protest guns being brought onto educational campuses by posting selfies of them flexing their muscles.

I find this stupid in about twenty different ways, and before I go into the details of the stupidity I feel I should qualify my opinion by giving you some context as to who I am and what I believe.

First off, I’m Australian. Australia has fairly tough gun control laws, but Australia also has significant differences from the United States that make these laws workable. While we do have the occasional shooting;

a) the people doing the shooting usually miss;

b) as a % of crime, it is much lower than in many other places in the world;

c) it’s not something I concern myself with when I walk about the neighbourhood. I’m far more likely to be attacked by a Magpie;

Second, there aren’t as many guns here. This is fairly easy to establish, and one of the best reasons for why has to do with something pretty obvious about Australia; we have no land borders. While it does happen (or at least I assume it does, I was unable to find examples of this), guns are much harder to bring into the general population. Most of the people armed are law enforcement or military.

(Note to people in countries with dodgy police; while Australian police are not perfect and do occasionally get into trouble for browsing porn at work or dealing in drugs, you can generally trust them to be on the ball and they seem to be honest enough when you actually need them for something.)

That being said, Australia is not America and any Australians trying to tell Americans what they should or shouldn’t do with their weapons should in fact, shut the fuck up.

So, now that I’ve clarified my stance, let’s move onto these people who believe that showing off their biceps will aid them in keeping their campus gun free.

What an excellent plan, for a lower-functioning sufferer of severe Alzheimers who forgot to factor in all of the other reasons for why that plan is shit.

But you might be asking, why would an Australian who likes gun control in Australia think that Americans should have armed protection on campuses in the US?

Excellent question, glad you asked. The reason is because you have absolutely no way or chance of enforcing the anti-gun stance on the people who are doing the shooting. People who own guns for self-defense or for their constitutional right for them (in the US) might well follow laws and regulations prohibiting their carry onto the campus, what makes you think a terrorist or an insane criminal is going to see a sign that says ‘no guns’ and go, “well, shit. I was going to shoot up the place, but I guess I’ll have to reconsider and look for another campus that doesn’t have a ‘gun free’ policy.”

Is that the plan? Is that what people think is going to happen?

a) the US has land borders with Mexico and Canada. While Canada might be relatively well-contained (this is an assumption, I didn’t check but as far as we know in Australia, Vancouver just has a big weed cloud floating over it all the time), I’m not sure the same can be said for Mexico and it’s historically been much harder to patrol a land border than it is a sea border. Mexicans might bring guns over the border, and do you think a sign is going to discourage them? If I was living in the US, I would sure as shit want a gun of my own, because fuck putting up a ‘please don’t shoot me in the balls’ sign in my front yard. By the way, if you do put up such a sign I fucking hope someone DOES at least shoot your balls off because you better not bloody reproduce any spawn with the genetic defects you are obviously exhibiting.

b) you have a lot of people in the US already armed. Some have stolen those weapons. Others have bought them from retailers who don’t check. You have absolutely know way of knowing who is armed or where unless you can simultaneously kick down every door in the country. I’m not sure how things work in the US, but I’m pretty sure even if that was legal you wouldn’t have the personnel to do it.

c) the US has had a string of shootings in public places (especially schools based on our news). While it is admirable to want to reduce gun violence, the best way to do that unless you have a guaranteed method of removing all of the guns (you don’t) is to shoot the fuckers in the face who are attempting to shoot up the school. If someone pulls out a gun at your campus and one of your teachers shoots the fucker in the face, you are going to have one less shooter.

On the other hand, if all of the people who think it is a good idea to post selfies of them flexing their muscles to prevent gun violence all go to the same campus, I shall retract this opinion piece and state that it is an excellent idea. I hope you have fantastic luck attempting to stop hundreds of armour piercing bullets from piercing your face by holding up your muscles.



TL;DR – fuck you, read it.

P.S. Fuck you



Shadow’s note: Aff’s knowledge about gun control and regulations in the US is, as far as I am aware, limited to what the news has about it.

One thought on “Aff’s Official Thoughts 1

  1. Wyldkat

    “Australians trying to tell Americans what they should or shouldn’t do with their weapons should in fact, shut the fuck up.”


    Thank you! I don’t try to tell my Non-American friends how their country should be ran, so I appreciate this sentiment.

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