These will be the last photos of Brandon Tetsuya Alrhain, our darling fourth child and third son. It was taken last night as he slept in my lap around 3 am. He passed away suddenly while sleeping this morning between 7 am and 11:30. The coroners’ results are not in but it was probably SIDS. He was only 11 weeks and 3 days old. Just over 2.5 months old.
Brandon joins his brother, Damien Antonio Henry, whom we lost to full term stillbirth on the 5th of September, 2013.
My last memories of him are of his bright-eyed gaze up at me as he nursed this morning, then him drifting off to sleep in my arms. I kissed him before placing him in his little ‘Brandon Box’, which he loved to sleep in. I watched him squirm himself comfortable and settle again. then lay down to sleep a little myself.
I woke up. My darling boy, my joy, our gray-eyed son, precious, feisty Brandon, never will again.
We are devastated by his death and are praying desperately that he is in heaven safe and sound. He hadn’t yet been baptised.
We miss him horribly. Everything seems so surreal right now.
I can’t think of anything else to say.
Rory Modena
Shadowdancer / Cutelildrow
ps: thank you for reassuring me, and thank you for your kind thoughts. On a somewhat technical note; if you registered for the site, please leave a comment somewhere because I’ve been having ridiculous amounts of spam.
Thoughts at 4 am in the morning
(I…need to ramble. So I don’t collapse. So I can stay sane for my two older children.)
I’m awake again. It’s 4 am again. I’m sitting in the chair where I’d taken those photos up there, that last sleepless night. I hadn’t gotten up and gone to bed, after my darling Rhys had kissed me goodnight, kissed our boy goodnight, and gone ahead to bed because he has early mornings.